Recently, I’ve been pining for the good old days of TV commercials. Remember when advertisers were properly ashamed about promoting “bathroom tissue”? Back when words like “softness” and “squeezability” were the brands’ key value propositions? Boy, in my day, we showed the product in the grocery store where the purchase decision was made, and we loaded that puppy so heavily with euphemisms that you barely knew what was being sold.
Lately I’ve noticed a distressing trend toward increasingly confessional messaging in TP commercials. And I have to say, I don’t much care for it.
We’ve now moved into the family sphere, the area where the product is actually used. Whether it’s a surgically-sterile bathroom or (God help us) the tree branch belonging to that disgusting, animated, woods-crapping bear family, the TP commercial has invaded our most private spaces.
All of which would be fine if it weren’t being paired with some of the nastiest problem-centered messaging to come along since the dawn of advertising.
Moms, are your kids’ sensitive regions filled with unsanitary papery bits RIGHT NOW?!
Do I seriously need to be thinking about that between breaks in NCIS?
Hey folks, we know going to the bathroom can be a serious drag. Don’t forget to “Enjoy the Go.”
What? Is that even for real? Is P&G in the business of commercial-based punking now? Because it’s certainly starting to feel that way.
Perhaps the worst offender in the gross-out wars is this recent entry from Quilted Northern, the brand that “keeps you clean, while getting you clean.”
Ladies, are your hands taking a beating from cleaning up your junk?
Are you freaking kidding me right now? I swear by all that I hold sacred, until they start getting less “real about what happens in the bathroom”, I will never buy this product.
And let’s not forget the truly stomach-churning new campaign from our good friends at Cottonelle. Not only are we being urged to keep back up “flushable moist wipes” on hand, AND display them in the bathroom like fancy guest towels, but also to pass along our secret shame by “Get(ting) Fresh With a Friend”! Excuse me, I just threw up a little in my mouth. And then a lot on my carpet.
People, can we please immediately unhook the concept of personal cleanliness from social media marketing? Like yesterday?
All of these bad apples have combined to make these fashion-based ads from Cashmere brand seem like the lone voice of sanity. Although there is still something deeply unsettling about their tagline, “Nothing feels like Cashmere.” The idea of using an expensive sweater for that sort of personal maintenance seems, at the very least, wasteful, and at worst, highly ineffective.
I can only hope that it’s not too late to put this revolting genie back in the bottle. Marketers, we have a responsibility to fix this. The next time you’re pitching “Big TP” on a new campaign, do us all a favor. Put on your best Don Draper stovepipe suit, pull out the flipcharts and make an impassioned plea for a return to a more genteel form of communication. Let’s take the conversation back out of the bathroom, turn off the microscope and go big picture again. Let’s sell some TP by not making people want to barf every time a commercial comes on.
It could be the next big thing.
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